There was a period of a few months in the last year where I decided I simply couldn’t be in a relationship. I was much too afraid of the trappings that come along with them. After much reflection and conversation but I’ve come to the realization that much of my apprehension has been due to the confinement of being in such a serious, monogamous relationship for several years. I’m terrified of getting into that again… so, I’ve made the decision to be non monogamous. And, just so we’re clear, it wasn’t for any lack of love for my former partner – I loved her to death and I still do – I’m just not sure I want to be in another relationship quite like that.
It’s interesting to me that monogamy is the predominant idea of what a relationship should be in our society when as a species we’re actually biologically wired to be polyamorous. I’ve always been ashamed of my desire to become close with people other than my partner over the assumption that it was unethical and worried that I must not really be in love with her if I was longing for affection elsewhere. But… that’s silly. It’s completely natural. It’s just not something we can help. If you’re curious about such things I would recommend you listening to some talks about evolutionary psychology. I found the theories quite comforting, actually.
I should probably also say that this doesn’t mean I will never consider a monogamous relationship ever again or anything. I would just do so quite cautiously. Also, people seem to think that these kinds of thoughts are coming from a place of sadness or feeling lonely. I assure you – they’re not. I’m quite happy and secure in myself, actually. More so than I’ve probably ever felt.
(Ps. I would love to hear any thoughts anyone else might have on these things, too!)