Thursday, November 27, 2008

somewhere between anxiety and elation

I’ve been feeling like a complete fuck up this semester because I’ve been doing poorly. I don’t have a good work ethic and my assignments all suck. I’m constantly sneaking off to draw or seeking out things that get me excited about art because 3D just doesn’t cut it for me. It’s not aesthetic, it’s tedious and I personally find it unrewarding.

But all of that stuff's not important. The important thing is that I learn that not everything is for me and that I just have to learn it and move on. What I’ve learned from this semester is what I don’t want to do which is just as valuable as finding something you do because now I feel motivated to work on the things that are rewarding to me and make me excited to sit down and get to work


Everyday is a roller coaster of emotions. I either feel extremely excited for what I really want to do with my future or I feel extremely anxious about putting off the work I don’t even care to do. It’s a weird mix but I’m enjoying the ride somehow.

It’s amazing how knowing what you want to do with your life can make you feel.

Love <3

Friday, November 21, 2008

girl on the subway

Girl i saw on the subway today. She had really distracting cracked out eyes. I should have pushed it more.

shady mc shiester

Clearing out a stack of drawings from my clip board, this one has something to it that i like. Too bad i never finished the other arm.

Monday, November 17, 2008


This was part of a conversation i had at a 100 dollars show i went to see with Lisa. It was a good show, though, we were too tired and lazy to stand and watch so we just drank beer from our table and listened.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

missing out

with love, and apologies to ed and ollie, who's faces i butchered here.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

i used to be a dirty raver

A couple of months ago I downloaded a bunch of old happy hardcore songs that I used to listen to back in my hardcore candy kid phase. I used to love this shit and really, I still do. This is still the kind of music that makes me want to dance my ass off.

This was an extremely liberating time of my life. It was the first time I really had control over my own life. College was something that wasn't even in my head as an option. I had no ambition or any idea of what I wanted to do with my life... and really there was nothing I wanted to do. I was working a dead end job in a call center with no apparent way out.

So, instead of being productive, I partied. It was awesome, me and my friend Dave would work full time at shitty jobs through the week and drive up to Toronto on the weekend to do drugs and dance all night long. After destroying ourselves on the dance floor we would drag ourselves back to our shitty small town sketched out, sleep deprived and not at all in proper condition to go to work. This is what our lives seemed to become about.

As much as reminiscing about these times tends to glorify them it is also important to remember how confusing it was. I have to remember I was generally depressed and hopelessly lonely. The partying wasn’t that amazing most of the time, I would dance by myself most of the time. I made some new friends and lost a few old ones. I learned to love and about loss.

Eventually I got on with my life and started to work towards my dreams. I don't think I would be who I am today without having done this. It surprisingly opened me up a lot and made me a lot less shy than I used to be. It gave me some hope that life could be good and worth living.

peace. love. unity. respect. <3

some comic bullshit

the latest self defeating caricature of myself. i know it doesn't really really look like me but i do kinda like the design. I guess i would say its more of an interpenetration.

I had considered doing a journal comic for a month... in that i would do a strip a day on the bus. I wasn't concerned about the quality of the art whatsoever. I'm a huge fan of Jeffery Brown... and i don't think you need amazing drawings to have amazing comics. It just helps. My main concern with this was just to start actually making comics so i have a point to get better from.

I gave up on the third day because they kinda suck. I should keep doing it until they don't suck so maybe I'll pick up the idea again when I'm not so busy with school. A journal comic is also really uninteresting unless you're James Kochalka.

In the new year I'm going to attempt to pump out a quality comic page a week. I don't know what i will write them about... I want to do a mixture of auto bio and non auto bio. I'm not sure really. but I'm going to do it.


After going to Canzine me and and Lisa have been inspired to do a cooking zine. Not a huge undertaking, but we're going to do our best to make it really nice. We're even going to splurge on a couple of color pages with photos and a nice cover. Lisa is going to do all of the recipes, while i do all the design work as well as a couple of illustrations.

We're totally stoked. it will be nice to have a project to work on together.